Numb....

Tonight, I am numb. I tried to make something work that wasn't. I attempted to care, I tried to care, I slowly opened myself up, only to fail. I allowed myself to get hurt, knowing what could happen. I allowed myself to let my guard down, knowing the possibilities of the pain.

That pain is here and now I am numb. Shattered into nothing, I attempted to sway you, I wanted you to be mine and I let you go. It hurts so terribly but I brought it upon myself. It was no ones fault but my own. This blog has helped me reveal so much but it also backfired by revealing items of my past. As much as I wanted to tell you everything, it is not something I can endure online. It was something I wanted to be face to face, to see your reaction, to let you hear and see the pain in my face and emotions.

Now that I am numb, I must keep my heart closed. I will not allow this to happen again, even if it means being alone, even if that means closing people out once again. I attempted to be open minded, I tried to be vocal, I asked for more and all I accomplished is letting you slip from my fingers...

Yes, I have my problems. I have my personal issues. I am getting help for this and you knew this. I was nearly where I wanted, I thought I had everything I could've asked for and wanted to work on us next. I never got the time, I never got the opportunity, all I can do is say that I am sorry.

I am happy for you. I am happy that you have found some one. At least you have some one to make yourself happy. I wish I had a chance to be there more, perhaps we could've been happy together but now, I will be numb...closed...dark..and alone.

Goodnight...