I've been curious on how things would go in the dating world and it was short lived. Perhaps it is for the best that it happened but it still sucks and doesn't help the self esteem at all. As much fun as there was in the short period, I need to take a step back and understand my priorities in my life and continue to stay on the mark and not short change myself.
What I mean by this is financially and long term goals. As much as I would love to believe that I am in a good spot, I continually evaluate myself to see where I stand. Not just in the credit market but also when I should make an advancement in stock trading, where do I put myself at at the railroad and how much does one really spend with friends.
I elected that I am going to get away some where decently far away to clear the mind, from August 20-22. I haven't placed a location yet but if it is greater than 300 miles away, I will be pleased with myself.
Some things I'll be thinking about:
Relationship and dating
Money and how to continue being frugal with it
What motorcycle really fits me, who I am, associated accessories.
Medium outlook items like credit and stock markets, looking at paying off the car and motorcycle about the same time.
Long term outlook items like house, baby stuff, and being serious about starting a business.
Taking a step back always is beneficial for everyone. Sometimes it makes some one understand to see what they may have lost out on or open their eyes that not everyone is selfless and self-centered. While things may not have worked out I am going to keep my head high, stay happy and proud of the decisions I have made and have led me to where I am at currently.
Now to test drive Craigslist =P
Goodnight
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Relationships
Relationships; the root of frustration, chaos, triumph, and mystery. How they work, why they work, and how to make them work is how we spend the majority of our years figuring out. While we are in them, we are a mixed bag of emotions. When we are out of them, we still remain perplexed and at times lost.
Where does one start a relationship? Being social? Being talkative? Being hot and sexy? Why are there "qualifications" needed to be in a relationship and instead be with some one that is simply attractive and wants to cherish and spend time with the significant other?
Now, as I say that, I know attraction makes a large difference and is an unknown variable that goes from person to person. Most guys would want a Megan Fox but will settle for a Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Why are we drawn to a certain person? Is it a sexual attraction or a physical attraction? Does the desire to want some one overpower the overall reason why we are here; to have children and continue life and the legacy of our existence?
Sometimes a relationship can be strictly raw, sexual, animalistic desire to have at it with each other. Others can be slow, romantic, passionate, and compassionate. Do we settle for one or another? Do we strive to want one or another or is there some one out there that is equally balanced? Will some one equal stray away and see the person you care for in the midst of a gangbang or will they be loyal to you. How can you trust some one you barely know besides hoping they are being honest and faithful?
Yes, I am looking far too deep in the overall picture of something that seems so simple but the many gist of this post is trying to understand why some relationships are so wonderful and others are so damned difficult to understand.
I wish I knew a direct, easy answer to these questions. In many ways these questions only serve to confuse me more yet I yearn to find some sort of resolution to these questions.
Perhaps whomever is "out there" for me will answer these questions for me some day. Maybe that person will surprise me or simply hurt me once again. Hopefully whatever comes around, I will be prepared for it regardless of whatever happens tomorrow or 50 years from now.
Where does one start a relationship? Being social? Being talkative? Being hot and sexy? Why are there "qualifications" needed to be in a relationship and instead be with some one that is simply attractive and wants to cherish and spend time with the significant other?
Now, as I say that, I know attraction makes a large difference and is an unknown variable that goes from person to person. Most guys would want a Megan Fox but will settle for a Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Why are we drawn to a certain person? Is it a sexual attraction or a physical attraction? Does the desire to want some one overpower the overall reason why we are here; to have children and continue life and the legacy of our existence?
Sometimes a relationship can be strictly raw, sexual, animalistic desire to have at it with each other. Others can be slow, romantic, passionate, and compassionate. Do we settle for one or another? Do we strive to want one or another or is there some one out there that is equally balanced? Will some one equal stray away and see the person you care for in the midst of a gangbang or will they be loyal to you. How can you trust some one you barely know besides hoping they are being honest and faithful?
Yes, I am looking far too deep in the overall picture of something that seems so simple but the many gist of this post is trying to understand why some relationships are so wonderful and others are so damned difficult to understand.
I wish I knew a direct, easy answer to these questions. In many ways these questions only serve to confuse me more yet I yearn to find some sort of resolution to these questions.
Perhaps whomever is "out there" for me will answer these questions for me some day. Maybe that person will surprise me or simply hurt me once again. Hopefully whatever comes around, I will be prepared for it regardless of whatever happens tomorrow or 50 years from now.
That fine line...
Where do we stop and make a decision on where the fine line is at? The line that we no longer can handle the situation and need to make a dramatic change in our life's that is for the better. We as humans come across this line in many scenarios, like drug and alcohol abuse or relationships with boyfriend/girlfriends or wives and husbands.
When do we get to the point that we abandon all hope, give up and wish to be 6 feet under instead of continuing to fight that never ending battle of pain, guilt, doubt and mystery? We give up on many things in life once we make a decision to do the change. Some of these lines we cross divide us greatly, politically and mentally. Some of these lines cause us to be much more dramatic, like jumping off a bridge, putting a gun to ones head, or stepping out in front of a train.
What breaks that line up? How can we get away from that line, where hope exists over the border of reach that has always seemed impossible?
I've been thinking about a lot of the above. I've contemplated almost everything to make the pain end, the agony of that this world seems to bring me and ultimately my friends as I rant, complain, and bitch about the issue. The stress, the drama, the lies that people tell me, the hatred towards me some give me, always that fine line that wants to be crossed to make it all disappear seems all to easy, the quickest way.
But for a change, to hell with everyone that has doubted my resolve. Those "friends" whom told me to go ahead and kill myself because I have no meaning, no purpose on this planet. Fuck you to the prior employers that said I will never amount to anything and I will be a failure because I only have my GED and not college educated.
Yes, my life isn't that grand with a fucking cherry to mark the chip on my shoulder. Yes, I've stole, done terrible things, gotten into fights, been in juvi for not going to school. My life has been a wreck and my home life is mostly to blame for my pit falls but I'll be damned if I let some of you tell me I will be NOTHING because it makes you feel some what better about your higher-than-thou life, get off your uppity pedestal, you are only hurting yourself.
I have been spending the past 5 years, cleaning up my act, improving my credit history, making myself a better person, a better man, to make myself who I, ME, what I want to be, not what YOU want me to be. I WILL get me a motorcycle and enjoy my passion. I WILL get my engineers license, I WILL be strong, and I WILL remain focused on my goals.
Doubt me and my goals, regardless if they take another 2-5 years to become a reality but in every fibre of my being will continue to fight what I want to be, who I want to be, and what I want to accomplish. My decision does not need your permission, it does not need your money, it does not need your two cents unless I ask of it and I sure in the hell don't need you to believe you know what is best for me in my life or career decisions.
If you cannot understand that, remove me from whatever social network you have me on, remove me from your phone, we have no reason to speak to each other.
To those that have helped me remain strong, given me the sound advice and knowledge that I have asked for, I can not express how thankful I am. I would not be here still if it wasn't for some of you. There were many, many times when the fine line snapped and I went into the deep end and almost never came back.
When do we get to the point that we abandon all hope, give up and wish to be 6 feet under instead of continuing to fight that never ending battle of pain, guilt, doubt and mystery? We give up on many things in life once we make a decision to do the change. Some of these lines we cross divide us greatly, politically and mentally. Some of these lines cause us to be much more dramatic, like jumping off a bridge, putting a gun to ones head, or stepping out in front of a train.
What breaks that line up? How can we get away from that line, where hope exists over the border of reach that has always seemed impossible?
I've been thinking about a lot of the above. I've contemplated almost everything to make the pain end, the agony of that this world seems to bring me and ultimately my friends as I rant, complain, and bitch about the issue. The stress, the drama, the lies that people tell me, the hatred towards me some give me, always that fine line that wants to be crossed to make it all disappear seems all to easy, the quickest way.
But for a change, to hell with everyone that has doubted my resolve. Those "friends" whom told me to go ahead and kill myself because I have no meaning, no purpose on this planet. Fuck you to the prior employers that said I will never amount to anything and I will be a failure because I only have my GED and not college educated.
Yes, my life isn't that grand with a fucking cherry to mark the chip on my shoulder. Yes, I've stole, done terrible things, gotten into fights, been in juvi for not going to school. My life has been a wreck and my home life is mostly to blame for my pit falls but I'll be damned if I let some of you tell me I will be NOTHING because it makes you feel some what better about your higher-than-thou life, get off your uppity pedestal, you are only hurting yourself.
I have been spending the past 5 years, cleaning up my act, improving my credit history, making myself a better person, a better man, to make myself who I, ME, what I want to be, not what YOU want me to be. I WILL get me a motorcycle and enjoy my passion. I WILL get my engineers license, I WILL be strong, and I WILL remain focused on my goals.
Doubt me and my goals, regardless if they take another 2-5 years to become a reality but in every fibre of my being will continue to fight what I want to be, who I want to be, and what I want to accomplish. My decision does not need your permission, it does not need your money, it does not need your two cents unless I ask of it and I sure in the hell don't need you to believe you know what is best for me in my life or career decisions.
If you cannot understand that, remove me from whatever social network you have me on, remove me from your phone, we have no reason to speak to each other.
To those that have helped me remain strong, given me the sound advice and knowledge that I have asked for, I can not express how thankful I am. I would not be here still if it wasn't for some of you. There were many, many times when the fine line snapped and I went into the deep end and almost never came back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)