New Beginnings

New beginnings... where does some one start to get themselves on the path, the right and smart trek to starting over fresh, a new person, a new hope that they'll continue to see those sunsets and sunrises. What does it take to get over that unsurmountable hump, that pressure, that persistence of wanting something so badly that you can feel it on your tongue.

Simple... patience, persistence, stamina, and believing in yourself. I know first hand that without those 4 things, with or without friends, you will never come above water, you will allow yourself to drown in pity and self sorrow, guilt and doubting yourself along with others.

Where do we get help to really get ourselves straightened out? It all starts with one person and that is you.

Its been a while since I last wrote and for good reason. I wanted to see if I can stop myself, to see if I could survive without writing almost nightly. I am glad I can because blogging is damn near like a drug. I have finished the counseling and I haven't felt better. I've been happy where I am at, mentally and emotionally. Physically, I am still hesitant about it. My dental work and exercising will start to improve those segments. There are a lot of information about how to lose weight but there sure isn't much around for GAINING weight. While my beanpolisk stature of 150lbs on a 5'11 seems right (my BMI is about 20) but I'll be much more comfortable if I can be at 170lbs and be able to lift 200lbs (which is much better than anything I can do now)

Making personal commitments to yourself, for yourself, is frankly the most difficult thing to take control of. If you always go out and buy stuff, food, clothes, shoes, etc, that hump becomes even more difficult, especially if you only use plastic to make all of your purchases. To add in managing your personal training and wellness improvements makes things more acceptable because you are doing multiple things to take your mind off everything else going around you.

How have I done so far? Right now, I could honestly be doing better. Having to purchase another car due to the Nissan's transmission being impossible to find, has put some more pressure on me but that will soon be a large pile of money out of my life. I have $2000 in work I want to do to the Mazda that is non-critical and can be put together slowly. It sucks getting a used car but at least parts are readily available. I am still am putting money into savings and finally reached the cushion of that will cover a few months of rent if I were to loose my job. I also have zero balances on all my credit cards as another buffer with a secured card to act as an emergency card.

Physically, I have started to roller blade (inline skating dude...) and will be getting some dumbells to work out with. Starting off with a 8lb, 10, 15, 20 should set me good throughout the next year. I need to get my yearly physical soon and also have them look at my lower back to see if that can check out the crazy curve in my back. All the years of slouching has taken its toll on it and hopefully I can recover it for the most part by strengthening my back muscles. The basic situps and pushups are coming along slowly but surely, its getting back into the habit of doing them that is easier said than done.

My consumption of eating out has been cut in half. Every two weeks I was spending $200-300 just on fast food. Cooking even basic meals at home have saved me an incredible amount of money or if you want to see it as another picture, a car payment, or more that could go into savings.

I shouldn't leave out that I have met some one pretty damn awesome recently. We'll see how things go and take things slow and steady. Its amazing how things can just happen when patience wins out.

I'll start posting more regularly after this post. There may be another one tonight as well if I feel frisky enough.

Till next time...